Why Some People Secretly Enjoy Watching You Fail (And How to Cut Them Off)
“Not everyone who smiles at your struggle wants you to rise from it.”
Most people assume that indifference is the worst reaction to failure.
But there’s something more unsettling — quiet satisfaction.
It shows up subtly:
encouragement that feels hollow
advice that keeps you stuck
silence when you succeed
sudden interest when you struggle
These people don’t openly sabotage you.
They simply enjoy the imbalance — your fall restores something in them.
This article explores why some people secretly enjoy watching others fail, the psychological mechanisms behind it, the signs to recognize, and how to distance yourself without drama or paranoia.
This is not about labeling people as “evil.”
It’s about understanding human incentives and emotional dynamics.
1. Failure as Emotional Relief for Insecurity
When someone feels stuck, underachieving, or dissatisfied, another person’s success becomes threatening.
Your failure:
restores their relative status
reduces comparison pressure
validates their own inaction
This isn’t always conscious malice — it’s emotional self-soothing.
Instead of improving themselves, they feel better when someone else falls.
2. Social Comparison Is Brutal — and Constant
Humans constantly compare:
career progress
relationships
intelligence
recognition
When comparison favors you, it creates discomfort.
When you stumble, that discomfort eases.
Psychologists call this downward social comparison — using others’ setbacks to stabilize self-esteem.
Some people become dependent on it.
3. Envy Disguised as Realism
They often sound “practical”:
“I told you that wouldn’t work.”
“That was too ambitious anyway.”
“You should lower your expectations.”
The tone feels reasonable — even caring.
But notice when realism only appears after failure, never before.
That’s not guidance.
That’s envy wearing a mask.
4. Threatened Identity and Ego Protection
Your growth can force others to confront:
paths they didn’t take
risks they avoided
effort they postponed
Rather than face that discomfort, some people prefer to see you fail — because your failure protects their identity.
If you don’t succeed, they don’t have to question themselves.
5. Schadenfreude: The Quiet Pleasure of Others’ Pain
There’s a word for this: schadenfreude — pleasure derived from another’s misfortune.
Research shows it’s more likely when:
the person was perceived as advantaged
the observer feels inferior
the failure restores “fairness”
This pleasure is rarely admitted — but it shapes behavior.
6. Conditional Support Reveals Hidden Motives
Pay attention to when support appears:
Do they show up during your struggles?
Disappear during your wins?
Minimize your success?
Redirect attention to themselves?
Support that exists only when you’re down isn’t support — it’s emotional positioning.
7. Passive Undermining Instead of Direct Harm
Most people who enjoy watching others fail won’t sabotage you openly.
Instead, they:
give discouraging advice
exaggerate risks
emphasize worst-case outcomes
subtly lower your confidence
They don’t push you down.
They discourage you from standing up.
8. Why This Hurts More Than Open Opposition
Open enemies are clear.
Hidden resentment is confusing.
Because these people:
act friendly
share history
offer “concern”
You question yourself instead of questioning them.
That ambiguity drains energy and clarity.
9. How to Tell the Difference Between Concern and Containment
Ask yourself:
Do they encourage growth with realism?
Or realism only when you aim higher?
Do they celebrate your wins genuinely?
Or pivot, downplay, or redirect?
Patterns matter more than words.
10. Why Cutting Them Off Is Hard — But Necessary
These people are often:
familiar
long-standing
emotionally entangled
Cutting them off doesn’t feel like removing an enemy — it feels like breaking inertia.
But staying connected to quiet resentment slowly erodes ambition.
Not through attack.
Through emotional drag.
How to Cut Them Off Without Drama
This isn’t about confrontation.
It’s about reallocation.
🔹 Reduce information access
Stop sharing goals and vulnerabilities.
🔹 Limit emotional exposure
Notice how you feel after interactions.
🔹 Strengthen upward relationships
Spend time with people who expand your thinking.
🔹 Trust outcomes, not opinions
Let results be your validation.
🔹 Detach without explanation
You don’t owe clarity to those invested in confusion.
Distance doesn’t require hostility.
Just discernment.
Final Thought
Not everyone wants you to fail — but some people need you to.
Their satisfaction isn’t about your weakness.
It’s about their unresolved discomfort.
You don’t need revenge.
You don’t need confrontation.
You need space.
Because growth requires oxygen —
and resentment quietly suffocates it.
If you found this article helpful, share this with a friend or a family member 😉
References & Citations
Smith, R. H. (2013). The Joy of Pain: Schadenfreude and the Dark Side of Human Nature. Oxford University Press
Festinger, L. (1954). A Theory of Social Comparison Processes. Human Relations
Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, Fast and Slow. Farrar, Straus and Giroux
Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The Need to Belong. Psychological Bulletin
Gilbert, D. (2006). Stumbling on Happiness. Knopf